Normally I only post on Tuesdays and Thursday, but then again I have not published/written a post for this blog for all of February. I will start back up again on regular scheduling next Tuesday where I will share a life update. For right now, I am sharing an encouragement.
February has been a hard month for me. March not only ushers in Spring but it also brings my birthday. I have spent the better part of this month dreading my birthday because of my time old struggle that I am not where I imagined I would be. There are other things surrounding that too – as February is the hardest month of the year for many people who suffer from mental illness.
I have been struggling with my relationship with God – when I am unmotivated to live, I am unmotivated to praise Him or to even speak with Him because I feel guilty. He gave me this life and I often feel like I am wasting it and not living to my full potential. More than that, I often in the dark days do not want life and would prefer to revoke my special ‘breath’ card.
None of this is on God obviously. He has stood by me through it all and loves me completely, even when I am depressed and wishing life would cease. This month has felt like a year. I think it’s especially exhausting because in two weeks we will have officially been in the COVID life for a year in Canada. We are still in lockdown. Our government is still restricting all kinds of daily life (this is not to start an argument, simply a statement).
Speaking to many of my friends it has felt like there is no end in sight. We know as Christians that when times seem darkest and grim that is when Jesus’ light shines brightest.
It can often be difficult to remember when you’re in a deep dark tunnel that there is an end. There is light on the other side. Especially when you hit tunnel after tunnel with only short reprieve or it just seems to continue. For those of you who are exhausted of COVID, of depression, of sorrow, of grief, of pain, this is for you.
I ‘spontaneously’ (God knew) decided to play worship music and just praise and dance. Dancing is not something I usually do but I could just feel God challenging me to do it. To break off the chains of my own ‘bleh’ and just force myself to do something new and maybe uncomfortable.
It has been a good hour of praise. God is good, even when our circumstances are awful. One song that came on while I was singing and dancing was ‘Another in the Fire’ by Hillsong UNITED. It is one of my favourite songs by them, I would definitely suggest giving it a listen.
It just struck me as I was singing that we serve a God who isn’t just there, He is in it with us. My favourite lyrics are:
“There is another in the fire
Standing next to me
There is another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
What power set me free
There is a grave that holds no body
And now that power lives in me”
The first line is talking about how Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were thrown into a fiery furnace for their beliefs. Three were thrown in, four were seen. Another in the waters? Moses and the Egyptians. Peter Walking on the Water. God parted and controlled the seas so they would be saved. The grave that holds no body? That’s Jesus and the power that raised him now lives in us.
It says further in the song that “I can feel the ground shake beneath us, as the prison walls cave in” – which is Paul and Silas. They were thrown into prison for preaching the Gospel and God tore down their cells. The guard repented when the prisoners stepped out in freedom. We serve a God who frees His people.
He does not watch us suffer from afar but He is beside us, giving us the strength to carry through. He is standing beside you in the fire. Holding back the seas so they do not consume you. Reminding you of the power he has given you in the Holy Spirit to watch in joy-filled peace. (Just a reminder that joy and happiness are not synonymous and you can have joy even in depression.)
I was going to post this blog post on the 4th of March as per my schedule but God was like “no, you need to publish this now.”
I do not know if you need to hear this, but God is with you. You are not alone. You have never been forsaken or forgotten. God stopped the lions from consuming Daniel, he raised Lazarus back to life, protected Saul from death countless times, and He loves you.
You CAN get through this. God’s strength and grace is sufficient for you. If you are thinking “but Ashley I’m not strong enough”, you are right. Our strength is not enough. This world is painful, awful, and right now it feels like every day is a broken record on repeat. We do not have to persevere in our strength. He gives us His strength and He will help us to endure.
So wherever you are today, pray. Ask God for strength. Ask Him for breakthrough and wisdom. He loves to display His power and He deserves all the glory. God still performs miracles today and His presence still hovers over the Earth. The Holy Spirit is in every single one of us, you only have to allow Him to work.
I would seriously suggest if you are feeling like I was – in a slump, dejected, ‘bleh’ – turn on your favourite worship and start dancing. I know that it sounds ridiculous, but we were made to worship God and one day we will go to Heaven where it is our full-time job. We are never at our most than when we are worshipping to God and giving Him the praise He deserves.
There is another in the fire with you and He knows you, He loves you, and He will not let you burn.
God thank you for being my strength. You are my rock and my salvation. There is no one greater than you in Heaven or on Earth. Thank you for protecting me and my heart. God this past month has been hard. I feel sorrow weighing me down nearly every day and it is difficult to remember your goodness – I am sorry I have not given you the thanks I should. Every day is a blessing, even when it is difficult to remember. Thank you for creating this beautiful Earth. For the days I get to breathe and experience you.
God I pray for my family, I pray they would continue to stay healthy and strong. Thank you Lord for protecting us under your wings. Father, I pray for this virus to fade away quickly so we may return to our mission fields and serve you. I pray a revival in safe community and fellowship. You made us to be together God. We are supposed to be one big family that praises you as our Father and lives in tight-knit circles. I pray we would be able to return to this and that we would continue to be able to safely spread your Word and build the Kingdom.
God I pray against depression and oppression. I pray against chains binding us to grief and anguish. I pray over everyone who reads this blog. Those who are feeling exhausted, dejected, unfulfilled – that you Lord would be their rejuvenation and you would fill up their cups. Father I pray you would bring your power in new waves and that the Holy Spirit would move in the lives of your Children.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen
The list of songs I was listening to (in case you wanted somewhere to start).
- Gone – Elevation Worship
- No Hold on Me – Matty Mullins
- Famous For (I Believe) – Tauren Wells, Jenn Johnson
- Graves into Gardens – Elevation Worship
- Awake My Soul – Hillsong Worship
- All Hail King Jesus – Jeremy Riddle
- Stand on Guard – Summit Sounds, Niki Mathis
- Another in the Fire – Hillsong UNITED
- New Wine – Hillsong Worship
- Available – Elevation Worship
- Runaway – Jess Ray (SO GOOD. Seriously I have listened to this song probably 100 times in the last week. My friend introduced me to it because I asked what good worship she has been listening to lately. WARNING: You will probably cry if you actually listen to the lyrics and just sit there.)
- Gratitude – Brandon Lake (DUDE. ALSO SO GOOD. This song makes me all emotional I’m not going to lie. Like it’s such a beautiful song and just the heart behind it. Very humbling.)
NOTE: I did organize the songs by fastest to slowest because that is how I liked to listen to them. For the first couple I was dancing, by the last ones I was in a place where I just wanted to lift my hands and worship the Lord. Runaway is from the point of view of God, as if He wrote the song, and it kills me. Gratitude is one of the most beautiful songs I have heard in a long time.
Hope you guys have a blessed rest of your week. I will return to the normal scheduling on Tuesday. I’m always open to prayer requests, just email me or text me or comment below.
God bless!
~ Ashley
P.S. All the time? (God is good!) God is good? (All the time!)
A Light in The Darkness 