Intentionality.

This past week I was at my old summer camp as an aide to an autistic child. As always heading into camp I wanted to keep my eyes and heart open to the lessons not only that I could teach the kids, but lessons they could teach me. In the past, when I have worked with those on the spectrum, I have always been enriched by their different worldview.

This week was no different.

For anyone who has worked with special needs children or people, you know how important eye contact can be. Sometimes their minds can be a hundred miles away, thinking about a gazillion different things, like most children. To center them back and ensure they are listening, you often need eye contact.

My little buddy was the same. When I REALLY needed their attention, I would ask for their ‘eyes’. Like when they were about to go down a sixty foot zip-line or were walking beside a horse that weighs a ton.

Having their eyes made sure I knew they were fully listening and they were understanding exactly what I needed them to know. Along with that, my buddy specifically knew that a touch to their shoulder or hand meant they needed to listen carefully. These things brought their attention fully to me.

Well this sense of accountability went both ways.

My buddy was quite a story teller. We were very much kindred spirits in that way. They would tell me stories about Super Llama vs x (the ranch has a llama and my buddy was very much in love with her), and sometimes the stories could get very repetitive or lengthy.

I admit my guilt in its entirety that I am very bad for zoning out when people are talking to me about something I am not interested in. Alternatively, if I am very tired, my mind wanders easily. There have been times I have caught myself writing books in my head while people are seemingly having a conversation with me. My eyes wander or stop focusing and then I am too far gone. (I will confess as well in slight embarrassment that I am INCREDIBLY guilty for doing this in church. There will be times where I start to plan my own sermons or think about my blog or books or life and then church is over and I’m wondering what happened (shhh don’t tell my pastor)).

Well, my buddy and God convicted me on this.

The first time it happened really struck me, because my buddy was telling me about Super Llama and my eyes were instead staring at the trees as I started planning the last chapter of my book. Then I got a slight touch to my arm and an “Ashleena”. (My buddy knew my name but they would often add their own twist on a couple words. I actually loved it because they were very sweet and adorable.)

The moment my eyes returned to my buddy, they continued undeterred. There were a couple other times in that day specifically where other staff or campers would talk to me and my buddy would touch my arm, or say my name, and wait until they had my eyes to continue.

It occurred to me in those moments how often I do that with God.

I am notorious for being a multi-tasker. I am listening to music right now while writing. Back in college I would watch Netflix while writing papers. Sometimes, I write, watch a TV show, and keep up a conversation with people. In the same way, I will often try to plan books or things while eating or having a conversation. All of this to be productive and get things done faster.

But I’ve realized a lot recently, and was only convicted when my buddy called me out, that I have done it to God as well.

Especially in the moments where I am supposed to be listening to Him, I will say my prayer, wait a couple seconds but be internally hoping I can just get something else done. One eye on God, one eye on my list of things to do. I have constantly used the idea of ‘focusing on Christ’ and turning my eyes back to him internally, to keep myself in line. It was not until this past week that it really hit me what God is asking me for.

He wants intentionality. He wants me to be intentional with the time we spend together and give Him my undivided attention because He is important and what He has to tell me is important. God is undoubtedly the most important thing in my life.

With my buddy, I had to learn that when they were talking to me, the other staff were not allowed to interrupt. When the other kids would call me, I ignored them. Their words and stories and comments deserved my attention. The others could wait. All the kids and staff could hold their horses long enough for my kid to know I loved them and cared for them enough to listen to their stories.

One time particularly, there were a couple kids yelling at me because they wanted to make a joke about drinking ‘beer’ (it was root beer but they were covering the root part) and I ignored them. It was hard, but my buddy was telling me a story and anyone could see they were talking to me.

God deserves that attention too.

He deserves for me to speak to Him without scrolling through my phone, or writing, or acting like He is just another box to check on the list. Everyone wants to feel listened to and heard… well so does God. He is El Roi, the God who sees me, and He deserves Ashley, the one who sees Him.

God is so much more important than all the noise. He is more important than the distractions and millions of things trying to grab your attention. This world is busy. It has a lot of flashing lights and sounds and worries but God deserves our intentionality.

He deserves our eyes, ears, and everything. When He says my name or touching my shoulder, I want to listen to Him just like I would listen to my buddy. More than that, I never want to look away in the first time.

I think this goes for the external too.

I often have my headphones on when I am on my laptop and sometimes my family will talk to me when I have them on. Just like I push them off to listen to them, or look at my buddy, God deserves that same attention.

Whatever is happening, whatever wants to grab your attention, do not let it. The stories God has to tell, the comments He has to make, the questions are worth so much more than the world can have to offer. The Creator of the Universe wants to speak to you. He wants to have a personal relationship with you.

That is incredible!

Sometimes it takes the intent and purpose of putting everything down and going off on our own to finally hear what God is calling us to. God says to pray you should be going in a room alone, closing the door, and speaking to Him alone because He knows we are like the dog from UP (with the squirrels) about daily life.

I am going to challenge you to intentionally seek Christ this week. Put aside the distractions. Stop thinking about the next box to check. Pour your worries at His feet. Seek to him. Empty your heart and all you have at his feet and LISTEN. You have no idea the kind of incredible things He wants to tell you.

Focus your eyes on God.

Look to the cross.

Give him your full attention and see how you, your relationships, your entire life changes.

Father, thank you for the opportunity you gave me to work with one of your beautiful children this week. God I am so grateful that what some would consider to be a disadvantage is actually a strength. A strength in perception. The joy you impart unto those different than I, is infectious and it teaches “busy” people like me to take a moment and really live in it.

I pray God for my own focus to remain on you. Let me not only hear your voice above the noise but resolve myself to listen entirely. There will always be distractions, but you are more important than them. My books, my family, my friends, worries, all of it does not matter when you are speaking because you are my number one priority. My all is yours Lord.

When I begin to wander and when my eyes stray, bring them back to focus solely on you. You deserve my every intention and purpose because you are my purpose. God bring me into union with you.

Father I pray for your children who struggle with errant thoughts like me. I pray their minds would be able to focus on you. Open their ears to your voice and speak louder than ever. Shatter the expectations and distractions so you are the only thing left standing in the dust.

You have our eyes. Our attention. Speak.

In Jesus’ Name,

Thank you for all your have already said,

Amen.

I was also thinking of an analogy with horses. When you are riding a horse, where you look is so important because where your eyes go, your weight goes too. We always tell the kids to look where they are going because their steps will follow/their horses will know where they want them to go.

It is the same with God. Where we look shows where we are going to go.

BOOM deep.

God bless y’all!

~ Ashley

P.S. Thank you to my buddy, who challenged me and made me listen. You taught me more in a week than I have learned in the past couple of months and I am so thankful for that.

P.S.S. Talking about intentionality and blocking out the noise, I literally needed to go into my room with my laptop to write this because I was getting distracted downstairs with my brother moving the Xbox up and also there is something about Youtube and today. I woke up today at 12 which is INCREDIBLY unusual for me. I hate waking up late. Like 9 is as late as I typically like waking up or else I feel like I wasted the day… and then I procrastinated doing anything useful until like two. I finished the second book of my trilogy, then watched hundreds more Youtube videos and then after supper I finally did this…. long story short, go to your room alone, without distractions and focusing becomes a lot easier.