Singleness

I kind of already touched on this subject on Valentine’s Day but I think it’s important to have something dedicated to it, considering the people I am surrounded by. Being at the camp has really opened my eyes to just how dependent people are on relationships. Young women in particular. This is not to shame anyone or condemn them but to possibly rant and offer advice? Who knows?

I think it is important to establish that I’ve been single my whole life. I’m twenty-years-old, and while that doesn’t seem very old, it is rare to meet someone my age who has never been on a date or had a relationship. It’s not something I am ashamed of or weirded out by. In fact, it was very purposeful.

I knew since I was twelve years old, that I wanted to attend Bible college. Along with that, I knew I didn’t want to have a boyfriend going into that, and I also don’t think there is a reason to date without an intention to find out whether that person would be a good partner for life. So I didn’t date or get into a relationship, and passed through Bible college without any strings attached as it were. Technically two years later (maybe like a year and a few months), and I am still single.

Now, I won’t lie, because that’s not my style. Sometimes it is hard. I think as a generation and society, we put so much of our value as people into the relationships we have. In high school you weren’t cool or liked if you didn’t have a boyfriend. Not to mention, and I think it is safe to say, everyone wants to feel wanted. Everyone likes to feel desired and needed sometimes.

My Mom was also married by eighteen and had her first kid at nineteen. Growing up with that as my influence, and a flurry of aunts married around the same age with kids, really made my belief sink in that not being in a relationship by eighteen was kind of pathetic.

However, I am now twenty, and I realize what a blessing it is, even when it is hard. First off, the societal expectation of relationships is bull crap. I will repeat. Bull crap. The idea that somehow we need a person to make us more valuable as human beings? A load of romantic Hollywood crap. Let me tell you something, you are not a piece looking for another piece to make a whole. You are a whole person on your own. No one is going to complete you. I may have just shattered your dreams but I think it needed to be said.

A good relationship shouldn’t be a completion of both people, but a compliment to them. You should be a compliment to your spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, or fiance. It should not be a matter of dependence on each other but an understanding that you both want to be together through this crazy craptastic thing called life.

The only person or thing that can ‘complete’ you is God. I’m not going to get into that topic too much, considering it would be an entire other blog post, but that hole you may feel in yourself? It’s because of our separation from God. It can’t be filled with a person, sex, drugs, material things, or anything else. Period.

Now, another good thing about singleness, is the fact that personal development comes through it. Read a book. Meditate on what God’s word says about what a good husband is and what a good wife is. Prepare yourself for a relationship.

Also, and I say this in the nicest way, people are exhausting. A relationship is a lot of work. It also takes money. Enjoy where you are at now, while you still have money in your pocket, and time on your hands. You are not going to die if you are single for a little while.

I understand the feeling of loneliness and the desire to be desired and ‘completed’ (in bogus movie and book terms), but to the point that we create dependence on another person to save us or complete us, we are unhealthily putting an expectation on them that I can almost guarantee will not succeed.

If you do not feel complete as a person unless you are dating someone, then perhaps it is time to take a step back and find yourself, sans person. Not that I’m a certified doctor to give you life advice, but I’m just saying, consider it.

Also that life advice is not for married people. Taking a step back is not a healthy way to continue a marriage, in case you didn’t know.

Moving on.

Singleness is an important part of our walk with God too. Paul was a big advocate of it. While I think that guy is a little nutty sometimes, I have to agree that a relationship with God, should take precedence over any other kind of relationship. Which I know rarely happens when someone new comes in.

Flourish in your single season, and realize that one day, you may find that person that compliments you perfectly. For now, grow, work, build, save, and prepare yourself for the day that person comes in.

Lord, thank you for loving us. Thank you for creating us to be relational creatures. I pray that you would foster in each of us, a deep sense of our identity and worth in you. I pray Lord that you would bless every relationship and every single person. That we would grow to you. That love would multiply. That we would remember you take precedence.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

God bless!

~ Ashley

P.S. I really wish I could insert gifs because there were a few I wanted to use… 😦